So I thought that I was getting somewhere with Puppy, I thought that I was beginning to cope without A and I thought I was organised to go back to work.
Oh how wrong I was.
I had an email from A this morning and my heart leapt! I haven’t been happier in a long time. Finally some communication. I had a few relieved tears to myself.
Puppy slept through last night and I was able to keep him in bed until 5:50am.
Then the nightmare began. He wouldn’t get into his harness, I couldn’t stop him biting me or barking at me. All I wanted to do was to take him out for a morning walk so that the contractors could come in at 8am and fix all the maintenance issues with our flat. I was up ’til 12:30 last night moving the furniture on my own (it is a lot heavier than I thought!) and getting everything organised. So you can imagine my utter despair when, whilst out on my walk, bleeding from puppy teeth, I receive a text stating he wasn’t going to come today and would need to rearrange.
And now the tears are flooding, I can’t stop myself, I am in an absolute crying for A, for my mother, for someone to tell me that everything is okay, someone just to help out and stop my anxiety taking over. All I seem to do is worry about everything. A struggles to understand why I can’t comprehend that he isn’t thinking something. He doesn’t realise that my mind is constantly playing out my life, thinking of every way that it could go wrong. I moved here to be with him and I have never felt more alone in my life. I just wish there was someone who would listen…
A, remember, no matter what, I will always love you. Stay safe Sailor Boy xxxxxx